


this is why we can't have nice things

by milcbowl



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Goolix, M/M, Oral Sex, Service Top Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Slime, Spells & Enchantments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26879212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milcbowl/pseuds/milcbowl
Summary: Written for the FE3H Kink Meme:for some stupid sexy magic reason... felix turns into a stupid sexy slime boy.like you know that thing where the entirety of the body is clear? or it's fine if it's just his lower half? it's not actually slime I think? ok what I'm really trying to say here is: the only possible thing dimitri can do is watch his massive royal cock fuck felix's clear guts and the exact moment those clear guts get painted white with come.+idk maybe felix is actually slime and dimitri's come starts to become part of his body++felix walks around and you can see the come just sloshing around
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	this is why we can't have nice things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sumaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumaru/gifts).



> Prompt is [here](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/476.html?thread=1222620)!

_An unknown_ is what Manuela ends up calling the spell that had struck him later on upon their return to the monastery, something Felix declares to be ultimately meaningless either way.

After all, he feels _fine._

It just doesn't last.

By the end of the day since their return, Felix finds himself slowly losing color and substance-- all until he's practically see-through. 

Most of this change takes place within the privacy of his own room, Felix unwilling to emerge ever since finding himself turning a lovely shade of translucent teal. Only until after nightfall does he make his way to the infirmary again, impatiently knocking on the door as his gaze tries to catch any bystanders that might see him like this. Clothes, after all, can only hide so much. 

It would make sense that Manuela wouldn't be there quite so late at night, Felix about to turn away to try and head to her quarters instead when her voice carries through the door. 

"Come in." The door is already half-open when Manuela continues. "You're rather _lucky_ I'm still here, you know. I _had_ a date tonight."

He nearly turns around right then and there: Manuela hasn't noticed him yet, after all, still looking through some paperwork, and he can always go to Mercedes, who he's sure would be discreet about the matter. 

But Dimitri notices him almost instantly. His eyes go wide, jaw dropping as Felix shuts the door behind him as quickly as he can manage.

"Felix--"

" _Don't,_ " he snaps, gritting his teeth. "Don't say anything. Don't even _look_ at me, boar."

"... oh my." Manuela blinks up at him. "Don't tell me that this was the effect of the spell?"

"Obviously," he says, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Not that she'd be able to tell. Everything about his body looks alike right now. "Why is _he_ here?"

"I had a migraine," Dimitri explains, Felix throwing him a glare. 

"I wasn't talking to you."

Manuela sighs. "Sit down, I need to take your vitals again. Hopefully we can... get you back to normal sooner rather than later."

He doesn't fight it, Felix simply allowing the exam to happen as he stews. 

For some reason, the boar doesn't leave. 

"Well," Manuela starts after a long moment. "I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" Dimitri cuts in to ask, as though any of this has anything to do with him.

"We know what it is now."

"That's it?" He's teal and see-through, and that's the only good news? "What's the _bad_ news, then?"

She sighs. "I'm afraid I'm not entirely certain how to fix it, to tell you the truth. The text that discusses this is quite old and damaged. All that I can make out is something that seems to suggest milk, perhaps cream? If we fill you with substance, there is a good chance you'll go back to normal again."

"What?" Felix blinks, staring incredulously. "Cream like... cheese, ice cream, dairy? That has to be a joke. Serious suggestions only, thanks."

"Isn't it worth an attempt, Felix? You never know, it may work."

"Why are you even still here? Leave."

"Prince Dimitri does have a point, though. It's worth an attempt, isn't it?"

"Hmph." _Maybe._ Not that Felix is willing to admit as much out loud. Cream. How ridiculous. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he glares at the wall before him. "I'm not leaving my room looking like this."

"That's fine!" Dimitri jumps in, ever the eager beaver. "I'm sure we'd all be happy to bring you whatever you might need to help you recover from this."

Felix blinks. _Why is he like this?_ "What are you talking about? There's no _we all_ in this. This shit doesn't go beyond this room. No one else needs to know about what's going on with me medically."

"Then… I suppose it would be my duty to see to it that you get all the dairy-filled meals as you can stomach in a day."

"Hmph."

He's not wrong. That's the worst part, perhaps. If this isn't meant to go beyond this room, the responsibility to-- saints forfend-- _take care of him_ would naturally fall upon Dimitri. After all, Professor Manuela taking multiple trips a day to his quarters would lead anyone to suspect him to be… infirm, if nothing else. The boar taking trips to his quarters, meanwhile, would just suggest…

A flush steals its way across his cheeks, Felix ducking his head. Maybe Mercedes would have been better. "Do whatever you want."

\--

Dimitri does, as it turns out. Considering just how many obligations are on his plate, it's a veritable miracle that he still manages to make time for Felix on such a regular basis. Not only does he deliver food at regular mealtimes-- _everything_ dairy, much to his chagrin-- but he also brings any and all material from class that he might have missed. 

It does little to help his cabin fever. He's still just as see-through as ever, even if the milk tends to slosh around inside of him somewhat anytime he does drink it, suggesting that the potential of it working would seem to exist. 

Not that he's about to just give up. Unfortunately, it takes less than a day for Sylvain to catch onto the fact that something is… off. 

The knock on his door should have been a tip-off. Dimitri doesn't knock like that, his knocks soft and unassuming, as if afraid to offend him. Sylvain has no such decorum. 

"What do you want?"

"Such a warm welcome, huh?" On the other side of the door, Sylvain laughs. "You aren't going to let me in?"

"No."

A beat follows, too long for his comfort. "I assume you haven't started fucking Dimitri, so what's going on?"

His face burns in seconds, Felix glaring at his still see-through toes. Ridiculous. "None of your business."

"I can't believe this, Felix! You aren't going to tell your best friend what ails you?"

"No, and you're nothing of the sort."

"You wound me!" More laughter. Felix wants to strangle him. "I guess I'll just have to worm it out of Dimitri, then."

"Fine by me."

"I wonder what he'll say if I suggest that you two are fucking…"

Felix is out of his chair and at the door in under a second, slamming his fist against it to hopefully startle Sylvain out of whatever smug self-satisfaction he's reveling in right now. "You have three seconds to get in here."

\--

He should have never allowed Sylvain entrance. 

_So, milk, huh?_ had rapidly turned into something else entirely, until Felix had felt himself burning up all over again. 

The only upside to being-- what had Sylvain called this cursed state, again? goo? slime?-- was others' inability to see him blushing. 

Not that it's much of a consolation prize now, Felix replaying the horrified expression on Dimitri's face on a loop in his mind. Of course he'd come to drop off Felix's dairy-rich lunch at the worst possible time imaginable, Sylvain all too eager to fill him in on his brilliant theory, that the sort of cream he might need to turn opaque once more might be--

He can't even bring himself to finish the _thought._

By the time two more hours pass, cabin fever just about has him driven to the point of madness, Felix theorizing to himself that, perhaps it needn't be _someone else's._ Perhaps it could be his own. 

He's two strokes into attempting to jerk himself off whilst simultaneously being absolutely _furious_ about it when another thought strikes him: Why _did_ Dimitri look so utterly horrified?

Is it the thought of anything sexual on principle? Or is it him that Dimitri finds so utterly repulsive, the thought of anyone--

He grunts, his cock still frustratingly soft. This is stupid. 

"Felix?"

The knock on his door just about makes him jump out of his skin-- or would, if he had any to jump out of right now, Felix sitting up as he looks around for something to throw on. 

"Hold on, boar," he mutters-- evidently not loudly enough considering that the door opens in the next second, Dimitri using his elbow as Felix shoves a pillow over his lap.

"There's no need to trouble yourself; I'm merely here to drop off your dinner-- oh."

"Have you ever heard of waiting to be invited in?"

"I thought--" This time Dimitri is the bright red one, which is oddly cathartic to see after his earlier reaction. "F-forgive me, Felix, I didn't think-- I didn't realize--" Clearing his throat, Dimitri allows his gaze to jump to the pillow. "Ah-- pray, why are you naked?"

He grunts, averting his eyes. "I thought… there could be some merit to what Sylvain said."

"Oh," he says, to start. And then, again, " _oh._ " 

"Yeah."

Dimitri blinks. "By-- by yourself?"

Once again, he's deeply grateful that Dimitri can't see the blush on his features. Then again, if this hadn't happened, there wouldn't be a reason for it to be there in the first place. Felix crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Well, I wasn't about to ask for your help after seeing the look on your face when Sylvain brought it up."

"Felix, what are you suggesting?"

Something inside of him bristles. "I'm not _suggesting_ anything. I don't need you to tell me to my face that you find the thought disgusting."

Realization washes over Dimitri's expression all at once, his eyes going wide. "I-- I don't."

Felix scoffs. Right. Sure he doesn't. 

"Should you require my aid in any way--"

"I don't want it if you're going to treat it like a trade deal. Or worse, a _favor_ you're doing me out of pity. If that's how you feel about it, leave." 

Dimitri is quick to shake his head, eyes going wide once more. "No, of course not! I know you'd never tolerate such a thing."

He's running out of excuses. He wonders if _fear_ would count as an acceptable one. Fear of rejection, fear of being perceived too keenly by Dimitri. Laying himself bare and vulnerable-- he's not used to it. "I wouldn't blame you if you did find me disgusting," he mutters. "I'm…" He hesitates, scowling down at himself. "Whatever Sylvain called it. _Goo._ "

"But you're still Felix, aren't you?"

Dimitri is sitting next to him all of a sudden, too close and too much, Felix unable to stop himself from staring for too long a moment. 

"Can I kiss you?" Dimitri asks then, in light of not having received an answer. His heart rate speeds up in response, deafeningly loud in his own ears. 

"I'm sure it'll feel weird," he mutters, only for Dimitri to steal any further protests from his lips. 

_Oh._

His breath catches as Dimitri runs his fingers over what should have been his hair, Felix finding himself mildly bitter as the realization hits him. Pushing him away, he shakes his head. "The only way I'm letting you do this, boar? Is if we do it again once I'm back to normal. _Properly._ "

This time, he's the one that leans in to kiss Dimitri, to seal his lips before he has a chance to respond and say _no,_ fingers working to slowly rid him of all the sartorial pomp keeping him overdressed right now. 

Too slowly, he thinks. His fingers speed up out of necessity as Dimitri helps divest himself of his clothes, going faster until he's scrambling just as much as Felix is-- as though they only have so much time before the spell will be shattered beyond repair. 

Dimitri is doing this to help him, and yet-- 

And yet it feels like more, somehow. 

He pushes the thought aside regardless, interrupted by Dimitri pulling away as his hand moves to grab hold of the pillow in his lap. He's almost naked himself by now, Felix's heart beating at record speeds in his throat as he looks Dimitri over. _Too attractive for his own good,_ he thinks.

"May I?" 

His voice sound smaller than Felix is used to. He nods regardless. 

Divested of the pillow keeping him hidden, Felix's erection looks… almost grotesque now that he's considering Dimitri having to look at it, too. Just as teal and translucent as the rest of him. 

But Dimitri's still here, staring at him with a hunger he hardly thought to expect. His own underwear is tenting enough that he supposes he doesn't need to be too ashamed of his present state, but it does little to improve upon the fact that he's still see-through. 

"Felix," he starts, clearing his throat, gaze still fixed upon his erection. "Might I… be allowed to pleasure you?"

"Please just speak like a person," Felix hears himself say, his face right back to burning. Pleasure him. What is he _saying?_ "Actually, don't speak. Just-- do whatever it is you want to do and don't ask for permission."

Dimitri evidently doesn't have to be told twice: He sinks down onto the ground before him and wraps his mouth around his cock as though he knows exactly what he wants. 

And what he wants is Felix, Felix hot and hard in his mouth-- even in this state. 

He allows himself to fall back onto the bed, arm slung over his eyes as he feels shame grip hold of him anew. A part of him had expected this to be a simple transaction-- but then, he'd rejected that notion outright from the start, hadn't he? Only he's to blame for the fact that Dimitri has been kissing him, putting his mouth on him, touching him. He didn't want it to feel like an obligation, a negotiation agreed upon only out of necessity. 

His hand runs into Dimitri's hair with a groan, hips jerking up as he feels himself be deep-throated. 

"Dimi--" _No._ "B- _boar--_ "

Dimitri sucks cock like he's dying for it, hungry and desperate and greedy for it in ways he never would have expected of him, but perhaps should have.

The fingers in his hair tangle and tighten, forcing Dimitri's mouth off of him with a grunt. 

"Unless you want me to come right away, I'd suggest stopping there." His breathing doesn't even out even when Dimitri pulls off of him completely-- and certainly not when he presses a finger inside of him. 

_Effortless._

Dimitri's finger-- first one, then two-- glides effortlessly inside of him, as though this body is willing to offer him at least that much. 

"Fuck--"

" _Felix,_ " Dimitri gasps, eyes wide as he watches his cock twitch before him, Felix helpless to stop it. "You feel perfect--"

"Shut up," he gasps, glancing down at himself at precisely the wrong time. 

"I can see my fingers inside of you," Dimitri says, Felix almost wishing he couldn't see it himself, couldn't witness his body's greed for more of Dimitri at any cost. "You're doing so good taking me--"

A third finger slides inside of him, just as easily as the first two.

"Would you take me just as easily, Felix?"

He sits up, arms like jelly as he stares down at the tent in Dimitri's underwear, erection straining to be freed. "Show me," he says, his voice straining against a nonexistent lump in his throat. 

Dimitri's cock springs free from his briefs slowly, slow enough that Felix can't help but wonder when this turned into more than trying to return him to normal. When it took on greater meaning, heavier for his heart to bear. 

He holds his breath. 

"Get on the bed."

Dimitri's head snaps up to stare at him, wide-eyed and filled with more hope than he can almost stand seeing. "What?"

"You want to try it out, don't you? Get on the bed, boar."

Nearly tripping over his underwear, Dimitri scrambles to get onto the bed, cock heavy, hard, and bigger than it has any right to be. In truth, he's not even sure if it'll fit. But he's willing to attempt. Demands it of himself, really.

His legs straddle Dimitri's waist when he first takes Dimitri's cock-- obscenely large, really-- in hand to guide it to his entrance, slowly lowering himself on top of him. It shouldn't be this easy-- wouldn't be, most likely, under any other circumstances-- but he's not about to complain about being able to enjoy this. 

And he is, isn't he? Enjoying this. 

Felix shudders when he feels Dimitri bottom out inside of him, his head falling back as Dimitri's fingers find his hips to hold. "Goddess, Felix… I can see everything."

"Not everything," he gasps, rolling his hips atop him. 

"I can see myself inside you," Dimitri whispers, lifting Felix by his hips himself only to push into him all over again, his own hips fucking up into him. 

It's brutal and dizzying and _perfect,_ Felix wrapping a hand around his cock as he strokes himself to completion far too quickly. His body clenches-- somehow-- around Dimitri's cock, milking him for his come as he feels himself be filled up from the inside. 

Oh, saints above. 

His body is still trembling, Dimitri's cock still twitching with its orgasm when he looks down at himself. He really can see everything like this, Dimitri buried to the hilt in a way that can only be called _obscene_ beyond any measure of doubt. He can even see his come sloshing around inside of him, painting his insides white with his cream. 

"This better work," he mutters, Felix finally allowing himself to rest against Dimitri's front, suddenly far more exhausted than he'd expected himself to be. 

\--

He wakes up unchanged, Dimitri's still perfectly visible inside of him by the time a knock sounds at the door. 

The fact that it's Mercedes is a balm he's willing to accept as Dimitri rushes to answer the door after getting dressed, Felix pulling his blanket up over _the evidence._

Right.

"Professor Manuela sent me with-- oh dear, Felix. How long have you been like this?"

"Long enough."

Glancing from one to the other, she smiles. "I'm glad Dimitri has been here to take care of you, at least? At any rate, Professor Manuela said that she was reading the text wrong. The cream it referred to wasn't dairy, it was lotion. So this should fix you right up!" 

Felix stares. 

"I'm going to kill Sylvain."

**Author's Note:**

> (He won't.)


End file.
